I have noticed that a lot of people use their blog as their personal online journal. What a great way to keep track of memories and pictures of moments you will want to remember. This is a lot easier than scrapbooking! I'm so, so behind.
I have found comfort in reading blogs about others that have lost babies at an early stage during a pregnancy. I wanted to share a very important part of my life. Its a sensitive subject and not a lot of people know, but I am not afraid to talk about it. Our daughter Hannah!
Today marks the 4 year anniversary of the day she blessed us with a quick visit.
In December of 2005 Dave and I learned that we were expecting our first baby. We were so excited, this was going to be great because at that time Mandy was pregnant with Parker, and Paola was pregnant with Jacob. We were going to have babies all the same age. I was so happy to have someone to go through all this with me, and someone to call if I need anything.
The first weeks went well, we had an early ultra sound at 11 weeks to see how she was doing. Everything looked great she was moving like crazy during the ultra sound and that was our first picture of her. Things continued to go on like normal.
Later down the road at 19 weeks I went to the ER for spotting, this was so scary. I tried to act like it was not a big deal and everything was fine. But deep down inside I was so worried. I had dropped Ashley off at Mandy's before we left. Mandy had asked if I wanted her to go, and I let her know it was okay I would call them once we found anything out.
After we checked in and went to the waiting room, I looked up and there was Mandy coming in. By then I could not hold back the tears. Mandy knows when I am trying to be tough and this was a time. She was such a blessing that night. She came to support Dave and I. She was the strong one while I was the scared one, and Dave was the nervous one.
I was hooked up to a monitor, they found a heart beat. So far things were looking good. The doctor wanted to run an ultra sound before sending us home. This was a glimpse of happiness, you see we had not been in to see what the sex was and we were going to be able to find out that night! The ultra sound tech came in and got started, of course we asked her to tell us the sex if she could see. We could see Hannah moving around she looked fine to me, but to the trained eye something was wrong. I had asked her if everything was okay and the tech just said we need to talk to the doctor. Any happiness we had was washed away. What was wrong? Why me? It seemed like forever before a nurse came into my room, and right as she walked in the phone rang. She picked it up and just said to me "It's Dr. Lunt for you". What? Why would he be calling me this late in the ER? I started to cry and wouldn't take the phone, Mandy had to get up and hand the phone to me.
Dr. Lunt tells me there is something wrong with the baby. It looks as though her body is absorbing all the amniotic fluid. He wasn't for sure, he was going to have a specialist look at the ultra sound tomorrow to be sure. Until then I needed to go home, and he gave me something to help me sleep. At first, I refused I didn't want to take anything, but Dave and Mandy helped me understand why I needed my sleep.
I did sleep well but the wait for Dr. Lunt's call was horrible. He finally did call with the bad news. Her body was in fact absorbing the fluid and this was fatal to our baby. He said she would not make it full term and it could be any day for her to pass.
He then told us the best option would be to go to the University of Utah hospital and be induced. They specialize in high risk pregnancies. There were other options but after prayer and words with my family we felt this was best for me, and the baby.
Three days after the news Allan, Mandy, Lindsay, Ashley, Dave and I were on our way for the long ride. That afternoon they ran tests, had the family meet with a counselor, and had one more ultra sound. The next day I would be induced.
Once I arrived the staff was amazing! I started my medicine by 2:30pm to be induced and Hannah entered and left the world after 10pm that night. The doctors said I could have been in labor for days.
Again the staff was amazing. A nurse was in my room at all times. Answering questions, helping me, being emotional support, and guiding me through this scary time.
Hannah was tiny but beautiful. The nurses dressed her so cute, and wrapped her in the blanket Mandy had given me to hold her in. Our family was able to spend time with her and my brother in law gave Hannah and I an amazing blessing. She is our angel!
I don't know if we could have gone through that without the staff at the U of U, Dr. Lunt and his staff, and of course my amazing family and friends! I don't think I made dinner or cleaned my house for weeks after we came home.
The Saturday after returning home, we had a beautiful burial service for Hannah.
I know I may have shared too much. But I want people to know of my angel and the impact she has made on my life even though she was here for a very short time. I have always said my trials have strengthened my testimony more than anything!
I want my family to know how much I love them. I am so blessed to be around my family every day! I love my amazing friends and the support they are to me even today. I also want to thank Dave's family for purchasing the beautiful headstone we have for her.
Thank you for reading Hannah's story, and helping me continue to heal on her birthday.
